We are now several weeks into the summer holidays in the UK and you may now be pulling your hair out after having children at home 24/7 for that long. Or perhaps this is now a doddle after so many months of lockdown and children at home! I myself struggle with the constant noise and lack of silence, the bickering and the lack of space. So below are some ways you can find some rest even when they are around. We are so good at talking ourselves out of things that are good for us, but taking this time safeguards against mental and physical health issues- it is a necessity, a basic need like food, not a luxury. Plus you are teaching them how to rest and modelling a much healthier, more sustainable way of living and how to listen to your body and needs and take care of yourself lovingly.

* If you have a baby, rest when they are sleeping.

This is not a time for being productive and getting through your to do list, it is self care time to rest or do what you enjoy. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

* Drop them off at the park and come and pick them up in the evening.

Ok so no, don’t do that, but we can fantasise!

* Drive away in the car far far away on your own leaving the kids to it.

Wait no, don’t do that either. Right come on, sensible suggestions now.

* Go and hide in the car if they are old enough.

This is a sensible one! If you don’t tell anyone where you’ve gone, it will buy you more time. See how long it takes them to find you!  (This is how I get my kicks these days).  Obviously don’t let them get distressed though. Unless you’re after some revenge if they’ve been particulary shitty (no I’m not being serious). Even just 5 minutes of peace and quiet will help recharge you. Go when it’s raining and take a cup of tea. There’s something so cozy, calming and snuggly when listening to the rain on a tin roof. This is also a form of meditation and will calm your nervous system.

* Go to the toilet ON YOUR OWN.

Such a treat! Say you’re doing a really stinky pooh so for health and safety reasons, they cannot come with you. Close your eyes and do a breathing exercise- such as 4-2-6 breathing. This is inhaling for a count of 4, holding for 2 and then exhaling for 6. Or just be and take time to come into your body and allow whatever is there to arise. Possibly a desire to kill. If you fancy some me time, take a book or your favorite magazine. See how long you can stretch this out for.  Make sure they don’t go and tell people that mummy/daddy was doing such a smelly pooh for 45 minutes, that they weren’t allowed in for health and safety reasons. Once my daughter dared me to run around the garden naked because my kids were doing it. So I did and then she told my dad and her friend’s mum that mummy was running around the garden naked to which I got a strange look. 

*Put in some boundaries. You are a human being with needs.

Boundaries are so important so we don’t burn ourselves out and can be our best selves. I started refusing to do anything and meet demands when having a cup of tea once my youngest was about 3  (unless it was an emergency obvs- I didn’t just sit there drinking my cup of tea if child hurt itself  you’ll be relieved to hear).  I only allowed myself to have it sitting down and relaxing and only doing enjoyable relaxing activities- no chores or getting stuff done. I usually do this outside if the weather permits and just watch and listen to nature which is great for soothing our nervous systems. Plus gets you outside away from the noise unless the noise is outside. In which case have one inside. It did mean many cups of tea with my youngest peering over the rim every 5 seconds asking had I finished yet (and 7 years later she still does this!) but DO NOT THINK ‘oh I might as well not bother.’ This does not teach boundaries, or that you are a human being with your own needs.  Eventually, maybe in 10 years time, it will pay off and you will be left alone to drink the sodding tea in peace. Because of this, a cup of tea is for me now the best thing ever and a treat.

Or when they are a bit older, go to your bedroom for a nap or have a bath and teach them the boundary that you are not to be disturbed during this time. Ok, so it doesn’t always work but eventually they’ll learn. Mine leave me alone most of the time. Sometimes though everyone, including the cat and the dog, congregates in the bathroom with me to discuss in what order we are all going to die. Again you are teaching them important lessons about boundaries and how to respect them.

You do need need to be free and available 24/7 to fulfill your kids needs. You can just be available 23/7 or even less once older and they’ll still turn out all right.

*Tell them that we’re all going to clean the house, but you’re just going to have a quick lie down first but wake you in 20 minutes so you can get started.

Pretty self explanatory. Evil smile:)

*Enforce quiet time after lunch.

If you’re somewhere hot, say it’s the law to have siestas in these countries and you’ll get in trouble if you don’t adhere to the rules. This quiet time can be done all ages. I hear so many excuses as to how this doesn’t work with someone’s particular children blablabla but it does, I have one with many adhd characteristics who doesn’t ever stop of her own accord- it just takes persistence and gradually creating this habit. You are teaching them how to rest and punctuate the day with pauses and the ebb and flow of activity vs rest, doing vs being. This is one of the most important skills there is to teach them: balance and taking good care of your needs and how to rest.

 Younger kids can nap, older ones can go to their rooms and read or listen to an audio book. Or do whatever in their bedrooms, just so long as you can be free of them! When I do this with my kids, I see how much good it does them- it grounds them and they get in the zone pottering around their bedrooms. In this quiet time, go and have a nap or practice some meditation or yoga nidra. You can also do quiet time together as a family.  In the summer all of us go and lie on the grass on beanbags in the garden and read our books; it’s hard for me to get them to do this though! Or inside we have all made ourselves comfortable listening to relaxing music writing, colouring or other creative activities such as knitting. Incorporating this quiet time into your day is nourishing and soothing and good for us on so many levels.

 *Decide to raise some money for charity for a sponsored activity.

Ask grandparents to sponsor. Heavily suggest that they try a sponsored silence- how long can they go without talking? It’s a win win situation for everyone. I do this one as ‘ as a game too. ‘ You feel good because it’s silent, they  feel good because they are achieving a challenge and helping a charity and a charity benefits. Be creative as to what sponsored activities they can do which will you give some peace and quiet. I’m currently tempted to do one with my kids ‘see how long you can go without saying mummy.’

*Practice yoga  nidra or meditation together.

Find one aimed for children (insight timer has a fantastic choice) and lie down together for rest. You can co regulate your nervous systems and you are teaching them how to rest.

*Do relaxing play together

With young kids I used to frequently suggest hairdressers, doctors, beauty spas- you get the drift. Even drawing on me, because I found it all relaxing and calming and it kept them quiet because they loved it so it was a win win. 

*Get the babysitter Netflix to keep an eye on them or leave them to it whilst you do something just for you.

Remember helicopter parenting is not good for children developmentally , but free play is and so is being bored (stimulates creativity) so leave them to it whilst you steal some moments to yourself.

What ways do you find some time to rest and relax with kids around? I’d love to hear them below.